Isn't it odd that you can always read a doctor's bill, but you can never read his prescription?

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Golf legend Ben Hogan (1912-1997), told he might never walk again after shattering his legs in a car accident in 1949 (his car was hit by a Greyhound bus), struggled back... and won six of his nine major championships after the accident.

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I noted with astonishment a tattoo of a bluebird on the shoulder of my 70-year-old patient when she was at my office for her annual checkup. She told me she had wanted one all her life, and she and her 16-year-old grandson had decided to go for birthday tattoos together. I asked her why she had waited so long. "Until now," she replied, "I was afraid of what my mother would say."

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A candidate for an opening at a public relations firm got the position with his answer when asked, "What makes you the right person for this job? His response was, "Some men are born great, some achieve greatness. As for the rest, I will thrust greatness upon them."

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"Somehow, I have to convince my mother and father to spend more time learning about the Internet," a teenage boy remarked glumly to an amused friend. "You're not going to believe this, but last night I was grounded for using the work "blogging" in front of my mother!"

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The hardest task facing kids today is to learn good manners without actually seeing any.

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A forthright connoisseur of culture, whose increasing years had made her increasingly frank, was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly, one contemporary painting caught her eye.

"What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?"

He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a cow and its calf."

"Well, then," snapped the woman in reply, "Why isn't it?"

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Birthday Gift

A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday."

Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped. Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it...

When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"

The divorce will be final in six months..

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Did you hear about the big winner on "Jeopardy!"?

He went home the next day and his wife said, "Who were those women I saw you outwit last night?"

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A sign posted on the wall of an Army mess hall read: "Don't Waste Food...Food Will Win the War." Beneath these words someone had scrawled: "That's fine, but how do we get the enemy to eat here?"

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In every class there may be one student who wants to argue with everything the professor says. The professor may want to silence him immediately. But he should think twice about that, for that may be the only student in the whole class who's listening to him.

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Though they had lost 7–3 to the Washington Redskins two weeks earlier, the Chicago Bears trounced the Skins in the 1940 NFL championship (the first Super Bowl was not played until January 15, 1967).

Chicago's Bill Osmanski took off on a 68-yard touchdown run on the second play of the game and, by the fourth quarter so many Bears had scored touchdowns that the referees asked the team to stop kicking extra points...because they were running out of footballs.

(The final score...Bears-73, Redskins-0)

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London Alderman Sir William Cooper (1599-1664) once attended a banquet hosted by the London Clothworkers' Company. Having liberally indulged himself in brandy, he returned home...and immediately dropped dead. The Clothworkers, accused by his distraught wife of having killed her husband with their toxic brandy, must have been overjoyed to receive, upon her death, an endowment...to be used to replace their noxious brandy with more salubrious gin. To this day, at the Clothworkers' feasts brandy and gin are offered with the words, "Do you dine with Alderman or Lady Cooper?"

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