Best NEW Jokes of Jan 5, 2007
Next Day's Jokes
  Sign up for our FREE EMAIL LIST to get our new jokes in your email..  
Your Email:  Our Privacy Guarantee
Next Day's Jokes
Number of people voted: 37


legal attorney help

Received from: Maggie   { Readers' Rating:    41.89% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Soon after her brother was born, little Sachi began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that, like most four-year-olds, she might feel jealous and want to hit or shake him, so they said no. But she showed no signs of jealousy. She treated the baby with kindness and her pleas to be left alone with him became more urgent. They decided to allow it. Elated she went into the baby's room and shut the door, but it opened a crack, enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little Sachi walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his and say quietly, "Baby, tell me what God feels like. I'm starting to forget."

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: B.B.   { Readers' Rating:    39.19% }   { Total votes:   37 }

THE WIT AND WISDOM OF GERALD RUDOLPH FORD

"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."

"I am a Ford, not a Lincoln."

"I am acutely aware that you have not elected me as your President by your ballots, so I ask you to confirm me with your prayers."

"I had a lot of experience with people smarter than I am."

"I know that I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators."

"Truth is the glue that holds government together. Compromise is the oil that makes governments go."

"When a man is asked to make a speech, the first thing he has to decide is what to say."

"I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio."

"Things are more like today than they have ever been before."

"It's the quality of the ordinary, the straight, the square, that accounts for the great stability and success of our nation. It's a quality to be proud of. But it's a quality that many people seem to have neglected."

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Quirk   { Readers' Rating:    33.78% }   { Total votes:   37 }

I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: George   { Readers' Rating:    31.08% }   { Total votes:   37 }

household hint #281: If you want to decorate a cake and aren't the most artistic cake decorator, try this little trick...Lightly press a cookie cutter in any shape you like into the frosting on the top of the cake, then fill the shape with sprinkles, sugar crystals or a different colored frosting. Gently remove the cookie cutter and touch up the edges of the frosting...

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Uncle Bubba   { Readers' Rating:    29.73% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Q. "Do you know why you should always invite TWO Baptists to go fishing with you?"

A. Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer. Invite two and they won't drink any."

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: B.B.   { Readers' Rating:    29.73% }   { Total votes:   37 }

After serious & cautious consideration.....your Contract of Friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2007 ! It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2007

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy May the problems you had ...forget your home address! In simple words ...May 2007 be the best year of your life!

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: FactMaster   { Readers' Rating:    29.73% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Today's useless fact - Who invented the Slinky?

Like so many other great inventions, the Slinky, a favorite of both kids and physics teachers, was just a grand accident. Richard James, a naval engineer, "discovered" this enduring toy in 1943. Working to help the war effort, James was developing an anti- vibration device for ship instruments when he knocked over some springs and was fascinated by the way the springs appeared to "walk" down the shelves. James showed his invention to his wife, Betty, who provided the name. (Tabloid trivia: Betty eventually came to run the company, after Richard left for Bolivia to join an obscure religious group.)

The Jameses took their first batch of 400 Slinkys to Gimbel's department store in Philadelphia during the winter of 1945, right in time for Christmas shopping. They were so desperate to sell the toy, they paid a friend $1 to buy one and start the feeding frenzy. Ninety minutes later, not one Slinky remained. And the rest is Slinky history.

Some other little known facts: Slinkys were among the first toys to to travel into space; a stamp commemorating the 1940s features the beloved toy; during the Vietnam War, U.S. soldiers would toss a Slinky into a tree for use as a makeshift radio antenna; and, if stretched end-to-end, the Slinky toys sold since 1945 (about 250 million) would wrap around the world 126 times. Check out the links in our Slinky category for more.

Send this useless fact to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Marty   { Readers' Rating:    29.73% }   { Total votes:   37 }

You're getting old when "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Betsy   { Readers' Rating:    28.38% }   { Total votes:   37 }

If life proceeds as it's going nowadays, imagine the things tomorrow's kids will have to do to shock their parents.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Lulu   { Readers' Rating:    25.68% }   { Total votes:   37 }

The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness ex- perienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college.

"This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you."

"It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my PalmPilot in there."

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Marty   { Readers' Rating:    25.68% }   { Total votes:   37 }

When his ten-year-old son Bobby wanted to try out for the school's football team, Louis told him, "If you start something, you have to finish it. Even if you don't like playing football, you still have to finish out the year." Fortunately Bobby loved football. One day, at breakfast, Bobby's mother was complaining to Louis that the antique table they had bought months earlier still hadn't been stripped and stained as Louis had promised. Bobby turned to his dad and said, "Hey Dad, one you start something, you have to re-finish it."

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Drew   { Readers' Rating:    25.68% }   { Total votes:   37 }

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: B.B.   { Readers' Rating:    24.32% }   { Total votes:   37 }

"Nothing tastes as good as slim feels."

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Vicky   { Readers' Rating:    22.97% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Those who can, do. Those who can teach, do wonders.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Lorraine   { Readers' Rating:    18.92% }   { Total votes:   37 }

QUESTION: Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? ANSWER: That depends on whether you're a human or a mouse.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: B.B.   { Readers' Rating:    17.57% }   { Total votes:   37 }

For The Kid in You...

What's black and white all over and difficult? An exam paper!

Why aren't you doing very well in history? Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8th!

The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon. How many galleons did they get to the mile?

What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark? Floodlights!

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Lorraine   { Readers' Rating:    14.86% }   { Total votes:   37 }

QUESTION: How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?

ANSWER: He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: B.B.   { Readers' Rating:    14.86% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Hank: Can you tell the difference between a miser and a sparrow?

Frank: No, can you?

Hank: Of course I can! One's a little cheap, and the other's a little cheaper.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: B.B.   { Readers' Rating:    14.86% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Most people fail in life because they major in minor things. - Anthony Robbins

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Quirk   { Readers' Rating:    13.51% }   { Total votes:   37 }

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else." -Kin Hubbard

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: cutie pa2ti   { Readers' Rating:    8.11% }   { Total votes:   37 }

Did you hear about Marvin's nephew Bob who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Received from: Andrew   { Readers' Rating:    6.76% }   { Total votes:   37 }

It is a curious fact that when we get sick we want an uncommon doctor. If we have a construction job we want an uncommon engineer. When we get into war we want an uncommon admiral and an uncommon general. Only when we get into politics are we content with the common man.

Send this joke to your friends(NEW!) - click here

Next Day's Jokes

See all other jokes of this date

DISCUSSION FORUM -- 132 POSTINGS

Archive Index

Back to Today's New Jokes, Funny Pictures and Caption Contests at Top-Greetings.com and FunPile.com
Next Day's Jokes
  Sign up for our FREE EMAIL LIST to get our new jokes in your email..  
Your Email:  Our Privacy Guarantee
For today's news spoof pictures, check FreakingNews.com
In partnership with - parallel web search engine.
Search biggest search engines with one click at Lukol.com

For more interesting facts check AskFactMaster.com - Online Encyclopedia and Dictionary - click here.

For best pages from other sites Click Here