Saying Grace at mealtime was a tradition at Grandma's house. At breakfast, lunch and supper, all who gathered around the table would bow their heads to give blessing for the food they were about to eat. Much to Grandma's sadness, this tradition was not brought to our home by my mother, so as a three-year-old, the practice of saying Grace was very confusing to me. Mother embarrassingly recalls that once, while Grandma rambled through one of her lengthy mealtime thanks to God, I asked in a rather loud voice, "Why is Grandma talking to her plate?"

One of the great pleasures of life is coming back to your illegally parked car and not finding a ticket on it.

When you get old, just remember one thing. And you'll be doing really well.

The way to judge a good comedy is by how long it will last and have people talk about it. Now Congress has turned out some that have lived for years and people are still laughing about them.

Will Rogers

"It's a great day for America because Krispy Kreme, the doughnut people, have announced they'll be selling whole wheat doughnuts. My life is complete! Now, you can get healthy and fat at the same time." -Craig Ferguson

Today's useless fact - What causes gray hair?

Many of us point to our jobs as the reason for gray hair, but we must seek the biological cause of those pesky reminders of our own mortality.

When our bodies are functioning well, cells in our hair follicles called melanocytes generate pigments -- the chief one being melanin. When the melanocytes stop producing these pigments, we sprout a transparent hair, which appears as an unsightly gray due to the color of the dead cells that comprise the strand.

Why does this happen? The most common reason is heredity; premature gray hair is yet another thing we can blame on our parents. But there are also several medical conditions characterized by graying of the hair. A B-12 deficiency, a thyroid imbalance, and anemia can all cause premature gray hair. And if you needed yet another reason to quit smoking, there is new evidence that smokers are four times more likely to go gray at a young age.

The common belief that psychological shock or trauma can turn hair gray overnight is cause for a fair amount of controversy. While some people claim such an occurrence, many scientists question the actual time frame involved. Check out the links in our Hair category for more.

While attending college, I visited my aunt and her husband for a weekend. We attended their small country church on Sunday morning, and the first hymn was one we often sang in my home church. As soon as the organist struck the first note, I began to sing in lusty tones. But the whole congregation seemed to falter. To help them along, I sang even louder. Eventually the organist got it right and everyone began to join in.

On the way home, I remarked that I found it strange that the congregation didn't seem to know the hymn. "Oh, we know it," my aunt said, "but we usually sing it to a different tune."

"Did you all watch the Oscars last night? It was so long the memorial clip actually featured people who were alive when the show began." - Jay Leno

My mom is a sixth-grade teacher. I was on the bus one day and realized two of her former students were sitting right behind me. As we came to my house, we could see big black circles of ashes where my dad had burned the leaves that had fallen. “What are those?” asked one of the boys, pointing to the circles. “Probably detention students,” his friend replied.

On holiday in England, my husband and I often went to the village inn for a pint and the house specialty - fish ’n’ chips. One evening the innkeeper, in honor of the computer programmer convention the inn was hosting, rewrote his menu to read: “Fish ’n’ microchips.” Not to be outdone, the travel agent next door advertised two tours - one to a honey farm, the other to the coast. He advertised them as the “B drive” and the “C drive.”

"Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." - Barry Switzer

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

When God created kitty cats, He had no recipe; He knew He wanted something sweet, As sweet as sweet could be.

He started out with sugar, Adding just a trace of spice; Then stirred in drops of morning dew,To keep them fresh and nice.

He thought cats should be soft to pet,Thus gave them coats of fur; So they could show they were content, He taught them how to purr.

He made for them long tails to wave,While strutting down the walk; Then trained them in meow-ology, So they could do cat-talk.

He made them into acrobats, And gave them grace and poise; Their wide-eyed curiosity, He took from little boys.

He put whiskers on their faces, Gave them tiny ears for caps; Then shaped their little bodies, To snugly fit on laps.

He gave them eyes as big as saucers, To look into man's soul; Then set a tolerance for mankind,As their purpose and their goal.

Benevolent ... and ... Generous, He made so many of them; Then charged, with fatherly concern, The human race to love them.

When one jumped up upon His lap, God gently stroked its head; The cat gave Him a kitty kiss, "What wondrous love," God said.

God smiled at His accomplishment, So pleased with His creation; And said,with pride,as He sat back,"At last...I've reached purr- fection!"

~Ginny Ellis

household hint - #333

Vegetable oil or petroleum jelly should be rubbed onto the fresh-cut edges of a pumpkin to delay shriveling after it is carved into a Halloween jack-o'-lantern.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. (Carl Sagan)

Why do little boys whine? Because they're practising to be men.

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (Lee Iacocca, former Chrysler Chairman)

Ten Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified

10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing".

8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."

7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the fact that no one really cares.

6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers with a chocolate donut.

5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC thingie?"

4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You wanna wrestle?!?"

3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu refugees once and for all.

2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then shouts, "I win!"

and the NUMBER ONE Sign Your Presidential Candidate Is Under- Qualified...

1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use a LIFELINE.

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