Most American taxpayers gladly support their own government by paying their taxes promptly, but they resent having to support the government of several other countries.

Here's the slogan for this country: "America - 20 million illegal aliens can't be wrong."

The eighty five-year-old man was in for his checkup when the doctor learned he was about to marry a twenty two-year-old girl. "Now, Mr. Alberts", the doctor warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries a twenty two-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt".

The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies".

"Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain

I just don't get the Arabs in the Middle East. Who'd think men who could have as many wives as they want would have the energy to go to war?

The sneakiest two words in the English language are "plus tax."

It's getting to where even the taxpayer's patience is being taxed.

Ask your IRS agent this question: "What did you do with the money I gave you last year?"

If Congress can pay farmers not to raise crops, why can't we pay Congress not to raise taxes?

Question: How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?

Today's useless fact - What's the dangly thing in the back of your throat for?

That "dangly thing at the back of your throat," sort of between your tonsils, is called the uvula. It is derived from the Latin meaning "grape". The uvula plays an important role in the creation of a human voice sound especially the creation of guttural sounds. It functions in tandem with the back of the throat, the palate, and air coming up from the lungs to create a number of guttural and other sounds.

Consonants pronounced with the uvula do not appear in English; however, languages such as French, Arabic, Hebrew and Ubykh use uvular consonants to varying degrees. Certain languages in Africa also use the uvula to produce click consonants.

The uvula has also contributed to snoring or heavy breathing during sleep; having an elongated uvula can cause vibrations which lead to the snoring. In some cases, this can lead to sleep apnea. This can be treated by removal of the uvula or part of the uvula if necessary.

Today, the uvula has also become something that people pierce. However, uvula piercings are very dangerous, and only a small amount of people have had this procedure.

Cartoons often feature the uvula when characters yawn or open their mouth wide. Screaming animations often show the uvula in a wiggling motion. Check out the links in our Uvula category for more.

With another tax hike pants pockets will become unnecessary.

A teen was worried about an exam she had to take the next day. When her little brother asked why she was so cranky, she cried, "I'm afraid of tomorrow!" the boy looked confused. "Why?" he asked. "When tomorrow comes, it will be today!"

I have learned that one of the most important rules of politics is poise, which means looking like an owl after you've behaved like a jackass.

A father in Georgia called his local IRS office to ask if he could deduct the cost of his daughter's wedding as a "total loss"?

household hint - #367

Save your store-bought bread bags and ties; they make perfect storage bags for homemade bread.

In Michigan, an 18-year-old high school student was elected mayor, ousting a 51-year-old incumbent. An 18 year old replacing a 51 year old. In Beverly Hills, that's called a second marriage.

An income tax return is like a girdle. If you put the wrong figure in it your are likely to get pinched.

The new IRS office comes fully equipped. It even has a recovery room.

A politician will consider every way of reducing taxes except cutting expenses.

The IRS sure knows how to take our money. You've really got to hand it to them.

No longer does 1040 scare me; I fill it without sufferin.

I read the instructions, grab hold of my pen

And my aspirin, my Anacin and my Bufferin.

It seems like a lot of taxpayers are suffering from "shell-out shock."

QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the basketball field?

ANSWER: He heard the referee calling fowls.

Flying saucers are nothing but taxpayers blowing their tops.

Americans are now in a daze from intaxication.

Biology: The study of shopping habits.

"It was so warm today, that Angelina Jolie adopted Ben & Jerry." ~ David Letterman

See all other jokes of this date

DISCUSSION FORUM -- 162 POSTINGS

Archive Index