I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised me by containing a make-a-paper-airplane option. I decided to give it a try. After I selected the plane I wanted, the software gave me a choice of accessories available for my plane, including a stick- up-tail, adjustable flaps and an AM/FM radio. Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM radio. The program responded with a message box stating: "Come on, be serious. These are just paper airplanes."

A key ring is a handy little device that was invented so you could lose ALL your keys at once!

Today's useless fact - Is 0% unemployment possible?

Not only is 0% unemployment impossible, it's not recommended. A healthy economy will always include some percentage of unemployment. There are four broad types of unemployment:

* Frictional unemployment: This is simply the time it takes a company to match a qualified job applicant with the right position. It also includes people who are between jobs.

* Seasonal unemployment: Certain industries are more affected by the weather than others. Construction and agriculture, for instance, reduce workforces in the winter.

* Structural unemployment: This is unemployment that results from fluctuating consumer taste and/or technological innovation. If a worker has the opportunity to learn new skill sets, or move to a new employer, that's OK. If not, it can be problematic -- witness the recent debate over outsourcing.

* Cyclical unemployment: This is joblessness that arises from changes in production volumes. Companies increase or reduce their production according to how much the economy can handle. Repeated cyclical unemployment is a bad thing -- it means the economy is weak and consumers aren't buying.

Unnaturally low unemployment can actually hurt the economy by pressuring wages, which can lead to higher production costs and prices. Check out the links in our Unemployment category for more.

A man was arrested for speeding, reckless driving, driving without lights and violation of traffic signals. He demanded a trial by jury.

"But you can't win that case in court," a friend advised him.

"I know," said the man. "I did it on purpose. My nephew just graduated from law school and this is his first case. I want him to lose so maybe he'll get discouraged and get an honest job...."

The 12-step chocoholics program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!

I used to be a heavy gambler, but now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind.

Adding honey to a warm liquid is going to cleanse your body if you are constipated, acting as a very mild laxative as your body absorbs what it requires from the honey to be more balanced.

A junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble.

Arriving home from work one night, he informed her, "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra- modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket."

The building-supply warehouse in our town identified accounts by using the first three letters of the customer's last name, the first three letters of his first name and a single digit representing how many accounts he holds. One day when I went in to buy some cement to fix a cracked tile, I joked with the cashier about my husband's account name: BROKEN 2. "That's nothing," the clerk beside us said. "Yesterday a man came in and said his charge was for MURDER 1."

A friend of mine was enjoying his new car's powerful sound system by driving along with the volume way up. At a traffic light, he heard someone shout, "Hey, do you mind?" Stopped next to him was a young man in an open convertible. He pointed to an object in his hand and said, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

I used to go to an origami class, until it folded.

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."

"I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track."

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track."

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognized none of the wasps on this LP."

"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,

.

"I've just realized I was playing you the bee side."

The story of Mary Poppins as a nanny is well known. Less well- known is her subsequent tale....

She traveled to Hollywood, where she opened a shop on Sunset Boulevard as a fortune-teller. Of course we already know she has supernatural powers, so it's no surprise that she was quite skilled in fortune-telling, and her reputation grew rapidly.

She continued to tell fortunes, and found that in particular, she always received a very strong premonition whenever someone was about to have an onset of bad breath. Her predictions of this turned out to be accurate 100% of the time. In order to publicize her success at this, she had a large sign placed above her door, which read: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.

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