Why do they waste all that money installing 15 checkout lines and then only use two?

A company was doing an English-language movie where, at one point, an exhausted messenger was supposed to dash in, collapse, and gasp out a vital message in Swahili. They even found someone who knew the language, and the scene worked beautifully in the movie -- until it played in an African town where Swahili was well-known. A moment of high drama nose-dived into comedy as the panting messenger gasped out: "I don't think I am being paid enough for this part!"

Chi Chi Rodriguez, Senior PGA Tour golfer, watching one of John Daly's herculean drives disappear during an exhibition in Florida: "When I was a kid, I didn't go that far on vacation."

When asked what he considered the most essential qualification for any politician to have, Winston Churchill, British statesman, said, "It's the ability to foretell what will happen tomorrow, next month, and next year, and to explain afterward why it did not happen."

My mother began getting calls from men who misdialed the similar number of an escort service. Mom, who had had her number for years, asked the telephone company to change the organization's number. They refused. The calls kept coming day and night.

Finally, Mom began telling the gentlemen who called that the company had gone out of business. Within a week, the escort service voluntarily changed its number.

I have bad eyesight. When I go to the optician's he points to the chart, reads them out himself and says, "True or false?"

"Do all the good you can,

in all the ways you can,

to all the souls you can,

in every place you can,

at all the times you can,

With all the zeal you can,

as long as ever you can."

(John Wesley, 1703-1791...English Preacher)

Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Cavaliers center, on the team's hectic recent schedule: "You know you haven't been home a lot when your dog barks at you."

If women are so much more "easy" these days, why are date-rape drugs so popular?

The best way to knock the chip off your neighbor's shoulder is to pat him on the back.

You are supposed to be the salt of the earth, but remember, the world needs a little sugar too.

QUESTION: What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common?

ANSWER: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Why, when so many of them are accused of sleeping their way there, are there so few women at the top?

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