The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did ''they'' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (Military Spec) for an Imperial Roman army war chariot. Military specs and bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.

Computers will never replace man entirely until they learn to laugh at the jokes that the boss makes.

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Nurse: Your blood pressure is amazingly high. Is your job very stressful?

Patient: Well, I work at a petting zoo.

Nurse: That seems easy enough.

Patient: I determine which animals are too vicious to be petted.

U.S. President Richard Nixon was not known for his social graces. In 1974, he visited Paris, France, to attend the funeral of French president Georges Pompidou. While speaking during the ceremony, Nixon declared, "This is a great day for France!"

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

Happy birthday to Abraham Lincoln. He would have been 200 years old today. I might be naive, but I like to think that somewhere up in heaven, he is proud that this country named a town car after him.

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