Aries
(March 21 - April 19)
You will discover what Shakespeare actually meant, when he wrote "Hey
nonny, nonny", in Much Ado About Nothing. It turns out that it was
simply in-field chatter that somehow made it into the play, and that
Shakespeare not only enjoyed softball, but was a reasonably good shortstop.
Taurus
(April 20 - May 20)
Your main problem? You're not eating NEARLY enough strudel.
Gemini
(May 21 - June 20)
You will develop the extremely rare "Perkin's Disease", and will start
having a strange compulsion to shoot things with tranquilizer darts, or
sell insurance. Plus, you will try to trick your friend, "Jim", into
wrestling a giant anaconda.
Cancer
(June 21 - July 22)
This is a good time for you to start your on-line loan shark business. Start
small, though. Try to be sort of a "loan piranha", at first.
Leo
(July 23 - August 22)
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how
far you can spit. Other people may find that incongrous, but you'll see
the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Virgo
(August 23 - September 22)
Remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
It's ok to throw mashed potatoes, however.
Libra
(September 22 - October 22)
You will soon send off for plans to build your own hovercraft. Your
scheme to disguise it as a giant floating eyeball is a bit silly,
though. Personally, I'd make it look like you were wearing a giant
hoop-skirt, in which case the engine sound and levitation might
easily be passed off as a rather unfortunate case of intestinal gas.
Scorpio
(October 23 - November 21)
Today you will read a bit of Shakespeare, and just before you fall
asleep, you will think: "A duck, by any other name, would smell as foul."
Never mix Shakespeare and chocolate icecream. The results can be
a trifle unpredictable.
Sagittarius
(November 22 - December 21)
This is a good day to bake. Cinnamon rolls would be good.
Or perhaps some crusty bread. If you follow my advice, you will make
friends and influence people. Otherwise a horrifying fate awaits you.
No pressure, though. Do what you feel is right for you.
Capricorn
(December 22 - January 20)
Today you'll suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and
believe me, that'll hurt.
Aquarius
(January 21 - February 18)
Someone will give you a card, today. It'll be nice.
Pisces
(February 19 - March 20)
It's time to move on to bigger and better opportunities.
Be sure to be outrageously nice to everyone until you
leave - they'll only remember the last bit, anyway.
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by Top-Greetings.com and
FreakingNews.com
